you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
