And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
