It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
