I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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