And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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