Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
