I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
