So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
