if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
420 ftw
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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