I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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