I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
