You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
