is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
