I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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