Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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