If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
