the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
