I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm both gender and math confused
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
