How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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