Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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