I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
