I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
