I can text with my tongue
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
