the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
