We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
