North Korea, Best Korea!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
