You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
