Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
