we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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