Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
