Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
