is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
