Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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