Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
