first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
