Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
