your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
