It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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