If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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