I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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