im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
