So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
