Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
