Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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