I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
