I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
