When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
