i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
