My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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