How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
im six kinds of drunk right now
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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