my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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