There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
