have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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